I believe, change is the best coach. But change alone can’t do anything. You need to combine it with the most important life skill of adaptability to witness the magic. Adaptability is an important element to self-management. Which in return is one of most essential competencies we all possess (to certain degree) or should develop and grow like a muscle (to a large extent). As we live life, realization hits that true happiness doesn’t come from so-called hard power of education, knowledge, or materialistic things.  Infact, it comes from the wisdom of understanding ourselves and others, which is often labelled as emotional intelligence, the biggest soft power.

Though ironical in childhood, we see everything getting adapted to our needs. Do you remember how your parents altered the size of your clothing, plate, bed, room as they watched you grow? Or simply receiving things you desired even without asking for. It could be your first study desk, sports shoes, TV, computer, or iPad (well in our times it was a Walkman😊). Then came a phase around your teens where you started hearing the word, adapt karo bacha (adapt my child), that where everyone around felt that it was/is time for you to embrace change and that you were/are wise enough to understand the world, which no longer bend to your wishes.  If you didn’t/don’t, the label of rebel was/is gifted in kind 😊. (I am a happy rebel till date)

Three chapters from my life, which really helped me embrace change with adaptability.

First one was like a blessing when I got married. Stepping into a world filled new culture, language, religion, food, family members, friends, and surroundings, I was overwhelmed! A very clear memory, when in the middle of all wedding rituals, pundit ji (commentary of weddings in India) recited what Bhagavad Gita says about change. “Change is inherent in all things, the key is to embrace it is by broadening our view by becoming less self-focused, less ruled by our ego. Change the inputs and you change the story.”  (Guess he was hinting more on my role as a wife 😊 and I took it in a wholesome manner). That really calmed me down and helped me make an immediate shift by deepening my level of consciousness to change and embrace this new beginning. By adapting this change in every aspect, I embraced diversity, and it helped me integrate within the family and life. Later this diversity became a unique part of who I am. I try to teach my children the very same essence of Gita as they are growing.

Second chapter was hard. The lesson to adapt came from one of my mistakes. A few back we were hit by transformation in the organisation, a new team leader and constellation. Somehow, in the middle of all that change, my focus was on preserving my calm and keeping everything as a constant. In no time, I could see roughness from my new leader. Didn’t see me in my eyes. Would ignore everything I said. Won’t appreciate efforts. Kind of always off mood with me. Would challenge my competencies and so on. Tough months followed. Finally, I confronted. To my surprise the feeling was mutual. A realization of mistake hit hard, “I didn’t adapt to the leader’s style. I didn’t allow the other person to adapt to my needs too. I didn’t give clarity on how I would like to be led or followed. So how on earth are we going to emphasize with each other at emotional or intellectual level? The mistake of not adapting my leadership style.” Everything became clear, I didn’t change the inputs and that’s why the story didn’t change for me.”

Like they say, “Things meet us where we are.” So, I was at the point of no malleability (like a hard metal which could be strong, but if not bending it is no good). We talked through many sessions and defined how we want to work with each other. Within a few weeks things started to be on a good level. Openness followed change. Together we found a new rhythm to work, became close and developed a very healthy relationship. Learning during adaptability process was, when you don’t have a choice, become one. In leadership this often is the case. So, we must act on what we can control, especially our style to match someone’s. If you have a change of team or leader, start with how to treat each other, build a new bond, clarify how you want to lead or follow etc. Keep ‘You got this attitude”.

Third and most recent lesson learnt/rather still learning is through my chapter of economic migration 😊 to a new city. After months of anxiety on what this new life would mean, beginning May on my migratory flight to Bangalore, I reminded myself once again, “Change the inputs and you change the story”. From day one, I decided to see everything through positive lens, adapt with kindness and turn this into a significant chapter of my life. Here sailing through this new phase, progression was/is more important than perfection of how everything should be. Suddenly things started settling, from kids adjusting to my remote motherhood (this calls for a separate post), kids maturing and adapting well too, their brother bond is beautiful to protect each other, systems at home, family support, friends reaching out to help, kindness of neighbors, famous Bangalore weather, genuinely caring city and people, learning new skills, and stronger bonds at workplace. I miss home and home misses me too, but for now this is where things are meeting.

In the end, what matters the most is how we ‘Change the inputs in every phase of life and hold the ability, adaptability, and agility to change our story’. Shift a little for things to meet you at a good point. Along with hard power adapt soft powers to embrace change to be your best coach.