It has been a month since our father left us. A month with family, following rituals and trying to grapple with his physical absence has taught many valuable lessons or rather reminded of many learnt lessons, as well. The main one being ‘life is all about letting go’. Other lessons are all about what not to ever let go. Ironical it may sound, but that’s the journey of life ‘to live in two paradoxes. If life and death are two constants, it is the time in between which is all about embracing the difference between mortality and immortality. Most things are mortal in life, what is immortal is our soul. It is the guiding star, ‘Sarthi or Anchor’ for the body and mind. Sometimes we say it is the gut feeling. Soul defines our intrinsic composition or key ingredients. I would call the survival toolkit elements – the essence we should hold on to and never ever let go, no matter the turns and trials life bring.
1. Character – It is what outlines our righteousness. The Bhagavad Gita says our character frames the sense of duty selflessly guiding our actions. It is what define us when no one is looking or standing by. Being a strong character and seeking higher purpose and meaning in everything is essential. It is on the most critical turns of life, let your character navigate. With belief that the dots will connect. (It is not the agility or adaptability; instead, it is about how you behave/act as a person of character). This is one ingredient which helps me be humble while saying, ‘Your work or role doesn’t define you. It is you who defines the role or relation or work you take on.’
We grew seeing our father everyday work tirelessly with the essence of ‘Nishkama Karma’ working with dedication without expecting the fruit of his work. He only believed in giving and doing, for others. Happy time or tough; low tide or rough; rock-bottom or high flying; he taught us to be grounded yet a strong character. He would say, ‘Never let go of your character as time will not be the same, but you have to be the same and hold on to your honesty, and kindness by all means. Meeting each situation with the same intensity is the essence of life.
2. Faith– An endless energy to feed our soul. Having faith in the smallest things during the day or the journey instead of the goal. For it is the faith that helps us seize the day and savor it too. No matter what times bring, I never let go of my faith in three things – a good morning ritual to nourish my mind, surrendering to supreme power’s will, and faith in seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Learnt seeing Papa frame the day with positivity and end with gratitude. For him, ‘Faith was wisdom’. As the day doesn’t matter, what we make out of it matters the most. On the best and worst day, never let go off Faith. As Krishna said (In the Gita), “Whatever happened, happened for the good, whatever is happening, is happening for the good. Whatever will happen, will also happen for the good.”
3. Learning – To constantly evolve as the best version of ourselves, we have to learn to live and live to learn amidst life and death. The Gita teaches us – learn to live in the present, learn from the past, and learn to prepare for the future. It is the learning that helps us grow. I often heard Papa share learnings from some of the coolest or hardest episodes of his life. He believed, ‘One never fails or wins, you only learn. ‘Vidhata ka khel hai’ (It is all god’s plan). I never let go off learning, as it helps me change the course or direction of things, to stay relevant. I was never the smartest in the class but surely learnt to work hard and be dedicated to my efforts. So, learning new things or having multiple topics of interest to craft my professional journey or change its trajectory, came naturally. I always remember what Papa told me once, ‘Be as good as gold or have the ability to turn dust into gold.’ This can happen when we never let go off of our curiosity to learn.’
4. Ability to introspect– It is important to extract the essence of experiences through introspection. The Gita says, ‘You can help yourself get higher, and you should never let yourself down. You are your best friend and worst enemy at the same time.” No matter where we end up in life, we should never fail to inspire ourselves to be better. We should never let go of introspection as it is the main source of strength in any situation. Of 24 hours in a day, at least 30-60 minutes we must spend with ourselves to feed the soul. Take it as your time to communicate and connect with inner self. For the soul which is well fed is the soul well lived.
5. Time with loved ones – Like most beautiful things are intrinsic in life; love too is what we feel inside. For me the most priceless of all is ‘The love I feel for my kids’. It is unconditional and unexplainable. In the lowest of times, looking at their pictures or talking to them, going on a drive with a loved one, or just sitting in silence with a friend can do wonders to the soul. As time with loved ones nourishes us. Papa’s way of stealing time with family was summer and autumn break to religious places. While we dreaded going to the same place, we also found comfort in that break. Life spins things back in its own way, now our family WhatsApp group is buzzing with memories and pictures. We are planning to visit those holy shrines, together. We are finding or creating love together. Recently, my niece put together a movie in the memory of Papa. Watching it is like spending time remembering him and we all say each time we see it (religiously many a times day) “Mein bhar aya (heart is full). As we never let go off what fills your soul and heart; love it is.
We miss Papa immensely. Continuing to learn and evolve through his teachings, grieving together and connected with an unsaid bond as a family. Aware that life has taken away some precious people, it will also bring new joys. The only constant is & ever will be our ability to never let go – to be a person of character, keep faith in the supreme power; learning to continually progress; introspect with inner self; and making memories with loved ones. For these are immortal and reside in us wherever soul takes us.